last week i sat at the bottom of a mountain.  the  sun slowly rose warming the slope in front of me.  i sipped hot coffee and watched the day come to life.  it was cold and bright and it was snowing.  i sat in the cold bright quiet at the bottom of a mountain. it was new year’s eve. and a decade full of change was coming to an end.

i sat at the bottom of a mountain…

and found myself in a church building like no other church building.  i was surrounded by church people like no other church people. the bald pastor in shorts preached about a Jesus my heart ached to know.  she sang a song… i have found where i belong i am a living stone and in this house i will grow-there is power here for a miracle to set the captives free to make the broken whole.  tears flowed down my face as i desperately wanted to believe in my heart the truth pouring into my ears.  the pastor encouraged us to ask-seek-knock-pray-recieve.  i did not know then what i know now.  i was so far from peace and could not grasp grace.  my eyes saw for the first time what i had been missing. i was a long way from home even farther away from Him.

i sat at the bottom of a mountain…

crying  at Dad’s bedside.  the doctors had told me that he had less than forty plus hours.  i held his hand.   i sat in that cold room thankful for that church in a barn.  that church of real people that prayed with me-prayed for me-cried with me-dried my tears.  that church that showed me that a King had come to save me-to save him.  there would be no recovery in his lifetime. his body could not weather the storms of this world. no Hollywood ending with perfectly timed healing.  just him laying in the stark white sheets and blue patterend gown.  his lifetime of addication breaking down every last cell.  and on that sunday morning-8:03 to be exact i wasn’t at that church in a barn-

i sat at the bottom of a mountain…

ten years of mountains

ten years to learn to recieve unconditional love
ten years to learn to  embrace grace
ten years to know peace

and this year, this last year of this decade, this last day of this last week,

i sat at the bottom of a mountain

and at the top of a slope of a mountain i searched out and found my son.  all forty-plus inches and forty-plus pounds of him.  he looked so small in comparison.  his shoulders tense from the weight of what he stared down.  quickly off the lift come his sister and brother -jeff right behind.  i breathed deeply.  i starred through the lens at my happy family clicking furiously caputuring my realization of a dream come true. i had found where i belong-and i had grown.  i had healed and i was free.  i know how much i am loved and i know how much i can love.

i thanked Him for every single second of the a past ten years.

I thanked Him for ten years of mountains.

1 Peter 2 4-10

“As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion,  a chosen and precious cornerstone,  and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,

“The stone the builders rejected  has become the capstone, and,  “A stone that causes men to stumble  and a rock that makes them fall. They stumble because they disobey the message—which is also what they were destined for. But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. You were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

  • Corban’s Dad

    …I could see every image in your writing, at least in my own perspective. I remember the song Lanie sang, I remember that Wednesday night (8 years ago for me) when I sat alone and realized that this church in a barn is the place where I can be known and it will be OK. It changed my life forever.

    Great title and a good heart to share it…thank you.

  • Whitney White

    This brought tears to my eyes! So beautiful and well written. I’m very thankful God brought us both to ct so that you’re in my life. What a wonderful inspiration. Miss you!

  • Glenda

    This post made me cry. You are amazing…so eloquent. Thank you for being such an example of what it is to walk through life being real.

  • Jennifer Ferg

    I have GOT to stop reading your blogs at work! SHEESH, I cry every time. INCREDIBLE story, so dear to my heart because you are like a sister to me. Welcome to top, my friend, welcome to the top!

  • toby

    so grateful to the God who is in the mountain moving business Jen. great stuff girl!

  • Joy Bowen

    Jenn… That was beautifully said. Thank you for sharing it with us.

  • bud stradley

    Precious. Sacred moments. New Life. You deeply bless us!

  • Raine

    I LOVE reading this! Thanks for the post, and for directing me to it! Love you. God is SO GOOD… He loves us so! I am so glad we are in that church barn together!

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